Cultural Exchange
by Lapis Lazuli Ichigo
Summary: In which America comes up a logical plan to solve the world's problems with him. Argeed to by the world's most powerful people each country must house America for one week before lastly spending one month at the end of the year with him. Get ready world because everything you thought you knew about America is about to be tested.
1. Chapter 0: On Purpose

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Summary: In which America comes up a logical plan to solve the world's problems with him and agreed to by the world's most powerful people each country must house America for one week before lastly spending one month (at the end of the year) with him. Get ready world because everything you thought you knew about America is about to be tested. No Intended Pairings.

Warning: Cursing, terrible grammar, and no beta. You have been warned.

_**XXxxxxXX**_

_**Prologue:**_

_**A Dangerous Game**_

_**XXxxxxXX**_

Deep within the white house, into the bows of the interlocking system of security, and iron doors, there existed a room of shadows. Blinking bright lights were the only source of illumination, yet, strange gadgets and gizmos beeped and worked.

At the switch board dozens of people muttered collecting data, and sending important information to the next person. From person to person the data traveled until eventually the last person gathered it together, standing.

Walking over to a wall, the people inserted a card into a strange indent, waiting patiently as the gears behind the woodwork twisted and turned, revealing a video screen.

"The preparations are complete, father nation." The man said, gently placing the information in to a drawer that opened from the space under the monitor.

The figure on the screen smiled. Bright blue eyes shining with happiness behind glasses, as a single stubborn piece of hair bobbed on his head. It was a young man with beige army fatigues that were covered in metals.

"Thanks, Henry. " He said paperwork appearing in his hands. "This will really help, and—"

"Please if I may interrupt, sir?"

"Go ahead. But _please_ call me Alfred. We've been over this. _Seriously_."

A small smile. "Of course, but I must protest. This entire mission is crazy father nation," Alfred frowned at the title. "Even _if_ none of the other nations try and take advantage of this situation, it doesn't mean anything. There are other people, dangerous people many of whom hate us who wouldn't hesitate to try something—"

"And I'll end up kicking their asses. This really isn't anything new. Obama said that same thing at least eight times. I get it. I really do, but I have to do this."

"But sir!"

"No 'buts', if this is the only way to stop any future wars, then I have to do this….even if I hate it." Alfred's phone vibrated, it was a text message. He said flipping open his cell phone. It wasn't anything important. Tony wanted pizza for dinner. He turned back to the secret agent. "Besides…I seriously doubt for one second that there aren't dozens of secret service members relocating coincidentally to where ever I am…"

The agent had the grace to blush.

"Sorry, sir."

Alfred groaned. "You're doing that on purpose aren't you?"

"Of course not sir."

Alfred didn't believe him for one second.

**XXxxxxXX**

**Author's Note**: More coming, things have been REALLY hectic lately. I won't say much here (I explain a little further on my profile if anyone wants to read why), but I'm hoping to get back into the grove of writing again.

Questions, Comment, Critiques, feel free to review! I love hearing from the readers.


	2. Chapter 1: Clearing Up Ozone

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Summary: In which America comes up a logical plan to solve the world's problems with him and agreed to by the world's most powerful people each country must house America for one week before lastly spending one month (at the end of the year) with him. Get ready world because everything you thought you knew about America is about to be tested. No Intended Pairings.

Warning: Cursing, terrible grammar, and no beta. You have been warned.

**Please Read**: Instead of the usual talking marks Tony uses ' ' to communicate.

_**XXxxxxXX**_

_**Chapter One:**_

_**Packing Up**_

_**XXxxxxXX**_

Packing was always ten times harder to do than unpacking (mostly because Tony was in charge of unpacking and he hovered everything into its place—but that wasn't the point), neatly folding his clothes, authorizing his paperwork be sent to his iphone, and trying to figure all the other hundred things that seem to pop up any time he went anywhere always took a long time and a massive amount of work to properly finish.

So it was because of this, that Alfred despised traveling outside the United States [1].

Whether it was the result of political meetings or because his brother was put on the Canadian missing list (again) it didn't matter—anywhere not home tended to leave lasting bad memories of events he'd much rather forget—

'You done?' A very familiar voice asked next to him.

He jumped not expecting his friend to right next to him. "Yeah, I just need to take this down stairs and—"

He didn't get to finish as a bright blue light covered his suitcases, lifting them off the bed and out the door, likely to land besides the door. He simply stared for a second, unable to understand why exactly Tony was being nice and taking his suitcases downstairs. Alien tech or not, directional anti-gravity was something Tony only used when he felt like it.

"You know I could have just carried them downstairs, right?" Alfred said turning his attention back to the alien.

Tony shrugged, his small gray appendage taking a hold of Alfred's hand and leading him down the stairway. His friend's steps were a shaking a little, almost…hesitantly—

'Obviously…but that's stupid and not safe.' Tony said pausing briefly on the landing of the stairs to type something into the alarm system on the wall. He gently pushed Alfred into Living Room looking unusually tender.

Alfred blinked.

Something was up. Though what exactly it was remained a mystery. Tony's suddenly cautious nature was beginning to scare him. It wasn't unusual to have lasers and strange sounds coming from the basement at any given moment of the day, or have Tony asking the weirdest questions about toothbrushes and zombies, but this new attitude was odd. The only times Tony acted like this were when shit really hit the fan.

Alfred stared as he finally processed Tony's sentence. "Safe? Tony I've walked down the stairs before. _Multiple times_. Nothing's happened—at all. Did something happen on your last mission or something? Because you're acting strange…"

'No. Nothing happened. AgentIIspgyti awarded me a medal for something, and the Platains are asking for more black markers…' The small extraterrestrial said, his small gray arm pushing him into one of the blue coaches in the Living Room. Tony took the adjacent seat across from Alfred watching him intently.

'Why didn't you tell me about you moving?'

Alfred stared at him. "What moving? I'm not moving—"

'Then where are you going?' Tony pressed in a tone Alfred rarely heard. He sounded a little angry.

"On a trip. I'm planning to visit the other nations to clear up the air. "

It was Tony's turn to blink. 'The atmosphere? For what purpose does moving residences solve? The current ozone will remain at the current dissolving rate, no matter where you travel.' He said, pulling up a data pad, and scanning though through the contents briefly.

"It's a saying dude. It means that I hoping to clear up the misunderstandings between me and everyone else. My plan is to create an understanding across nations, understand?" He asked.

Tony nodded. 'Yes. I understand…' His optics glowing with a strange glint almost like he was planning something, then the look vanished.

Alfred ignored it, and smiled. "Good. For a sec there I thought you were going to be angry…"

Tony shook his head. 'Negative, moving residences will not anger me…' He said sending a glance toward Alfred's suitcases. 'You appear to be missing your telecommunication device.' He said and motioned with his gray appendage noticing the visible lack of an iphone within Alfred's hands.

Alfred groaned, and started searching through his pockets, trying and failing to find the missing device. He was so caught up in his search he didn't notice the glowing blue object floating up stairs behind him, or the narrowed eyes of Tony's glaring at the huge world map spanning one side of the Living Room dart board before his eyes drifted back to Alfred, softening.

'Perhaps you left it in your sleeping quarters?' The alien suggested, his hand motioning to the upstairs room, and to Alfred's room beyond that.

Alfred frowned. "I might've. Dammit, I'll be back." He said thoughtfully, turning and running up the stairs.

His thoughts solely on the missing device, and its location. The last thing he needed was to forget his phone and freak out the secret service people. That'd be pleasant. He could just imagine how freaked out some of the other nations would be if American Secret Service members started crawling out of trash cans or something. Not to mention all the political crap he'd have to deal with for month is anyone else found out (which they totally would hear about because some people, like Antonio, and Feilks didn't know how to keep a secret).

Tony waited until the footsteps died off before he made his way over to Alfred's traveling cases. Taking a small metal cube from the interior of his gray matter suit he held it out to the brown material of the cases, watching as the strange device disappeared into the fabric. It was just an extra precaution incase anything went wrong, just in case… [2]

The corner of Tony's optics narrowed ever so slightly as took his seat back on the sofa as Alfred returned, his friend smiling brightly, his iphone in hand.

Even if the identification crest malfunctioned, even in a nuclear war, Alfred would be safe. He was kin.

"So, which game did you want to play?" Alfred asked.

Tony slipped in Gears of War three into the Xbox.

It had been a while since they defeated a horde.

XXxxxxXX

While across the border his brother was having anything but a good day. After waking up late this morning, he arrived a full hour tardy to his office due to the towering amount of snowing gathering outside. His car had barely managed to make it into the parking garage before it frosted over, and to top it off his boss had once again forgot to give him his paperwork. So here he was walking half way across the building (which had conveniently had no heating) trying to find someone to open Harper's office so he could start his work—

"Mr. Williams!" A voice yelled in the distance.

Matthew turned blinking.

He was a little surprised (and happy) someone actually remembered him.

"Yes?' He asked as a young intern, _Jessica Crevecoeur, _ran up to him, a single package of paper within her grasp.

"Prime Minster Harper needs you in the Conference room immediately; apparently something's happened with Mr. Jones." She said panting. She was clearly out of breath from running to the Conference room on the top floor—six staircases without the elevator.

"I'm going—" He said steps speeding up into a run.

"Take the stairs!" Jessica yelled from behind him. "The elevators are out!"

He thanked her, taking a sharp turn at the next intersection.

Anything dealing with his brother that demanded his immediate presence in the Conference Room couldn't be good…

The last time, he was called there had been 9/11. [3]

XXxxxxXX

Three hours, Alfred and Tony finally defeated level fifty, stretching and moving around a bit. They had been stuck on that level for a while, and took the chance to move around a bit before they started on their next context—

"_But I'll make it on my own. I gotta prove them wrong. It's me against the world…"_

Alfred scattered, quickly searching through the living room trying to find his cell phone. He dug through the seat cushions tossing the pillows everywhere as he searched it. He could hear it, and could tell it was close so where was it?

"_I got no place to go…I got no place to run. They'd love to watch me fall. I'm a lost cause not hero…" _[4]

The sound continued, and Alfred picked up the sofa with one hand finally spotting the missing mobile. He hastily answered the call not even sparing time to see the caller ID or the number as he held the small device to his ear.

"Hello?" He said leaning the phone against his shoulder while he replaced the couch back to the floor.

"Hello? General Alfred Jones?" A voice on the other end asked.

"Yes, this is he."

"Good. Mr. Jones, I am from the Secret Service Squad One and I am calling to confirm your location. We've completed the necessary arrangements. Your plane ticket should be arriving with our chauffeur Agent Concord and your bodyguard Agent Lexington—"

Alfred groaned. "_Seriously_?!"

"Yes, sir. Seriously."

"It was a rhetorical question. Why am I being assigned a bodyguard?"

"Because President Washington left standing orders to—"

"Watch over and protect me. I get it. I do. _Really._ But he never meant it! At least not to this extent and—never mind." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I give up. I'm never going to get you all to stop am I?" He asked exasperated.

He waited a little impatiently for the reply.

"I doubt it, sir."

"Fine, whatever. Where am I going?"

The agent cleared her throat. "The first location will be Vilnius."

Alfred blinked.

"Where's that?"

XXxxxxXX

Author's Note: Indeed, Alfred, I feel exactly the same way. Having to memorize all those capitals and country locations is such a pain, when half the time all I hear from foreigners is "American's don't know geography, blah, blah, blah." Whatever. I know geography. They don't know geography—AND I can prove it. Take my challenge—**I've created a questionnaire of questions about the good old USA, from history to culture. E-mail me for it if you dare….or if you want to know how American you are.**

Honesty, though Vilnius is the capital of Lithuania.

[1] Traveling outside the USA is not often done by the great majority of Americans (on average about 20 million travel compared to 313 million of us living in the USA) as most of the time things like language, currency, and passports are hard to navigate and get around if you're not rich or well connected so most of us don't travel much, and if we do a great number only go to Canada or Mexico. From the top of my head I only know two people who've traveled to Europe.

[2] Tony's up to something again. For more information on the identification crest check out my other fanfic _Perspective._

[3] Within the USA the September Terrorist Attacks are called nine-eleven.

[4] Song Called "Me Against the World" I thought it was fitting.

A/N #2: I've been a bit sluggish recently. I might be catching the flu or something because it's been going around really bad at school and in my family so I might have a short hiatus if I get sick. Just a FYI. If not, everything will continue as usual. Also, just as a little something my birthday is next week—I'm turning 21! Yay!

Remember to** Read** and **Review**-

Alfred is going to travel!


End file.
